I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
