oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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