Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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