Umm I'm too high to move.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
