Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
