is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
