is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
