i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
