you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
