i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
