I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
