haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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