she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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