if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
