So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate all girls vehemently.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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