And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
