He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
