I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
