You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
