we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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