Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
