dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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