I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
