K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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