why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
