and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
only if we run a train.
done.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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