i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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