She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
