Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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