That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
