We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
