i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
