ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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