Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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