So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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