So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
