well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
