Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
why do cheetos always look like penises
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
