We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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