piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
