told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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