there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
