Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
