I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
3 2 1 whiskey
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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