I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
