Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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