I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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