I just cut my nipple shaving
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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