It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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