she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
