That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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