Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
