You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
