My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
