just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
